Tag: God

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Don’t Lose Your Love

I’ve been feeling a knot in my stomach lately. The most similar and familiar feeling I can compare it to is the feeling when you are getting your heart broken, or when you know you’re about to get your heart broken. I guess in a way-the state of the world, and specifically my country, is breaking my heart. The chaos, the violence, the hostile and bitter disputes among people who were once friends. It’s gotten beyond out of control, it is heartbreaking.

Before you clock out because this reads like it’s going in the direction of gloom and doom, I bet you’ve felt what I’m talking about, and I bet you’ve had thoughts like, “if this group of people will do this right, if this person will finally change their mind, or if this system will change…things would be different”. What if I told you that as long as those kinds of thoughts occupy everyone’s brain, nothing will change. 

 As a follower of Christ, a woman, an African American, and a Millennial/Gen Z member, you can only imagine how many ways it’s difficult for all of me to coexist in this current social, spiritual, and political climate. In a few words…what a disaster! The advantage though, is that because of this complexity, I am able to empathize with many different groups of people. However, what I’ve begun to notice is that as the years go by, all people groups, no matter what they claim to stand for, have become more and more siloed. Each group is gradually sinking deeper and deeper into thoughts of what benefits them, and what hurts them. We have slowly begun to completely disconnect from any recognition that other types of people (even good people) could possibly think differently than us. I am not somewhere sitting on a high horse excluding myself from this. We are all victims of this condition called human nature. Some will blame the worsening state of this condition on social media, news outlets, politics, and the list goes on and on. But it doesn’t really matter how it happened -we are here-and if we don’t address it, no one will win in the end.

I was talking to someone recently about the horrific period of the Holocaust. This person knew a survivor of that time period, a man who was the sole survivor in his family. The (somewhat) shocking fact about this man is that he himself was a German. A pure blooded German. And he was not the only German who found himself in a concentration camp, he was one of many. Why? Because the simple reality is that hate never stops with one group. It is designed to destroy everyone and everything-including its original host. Racism and bigotry will eventually catch up to everyone because the spirit of hate will always want to remain in a position of power at the expense of someone else’s destruction. Misogyny (not masculinity, misogyny) has had awful impacts on women, but it first negatively impacts men. I have seen it firsthand do a lot of internal damage on young men’s ability to healthily express and process their emotions. Without this ability, it often leads them to a state of anger and depression. The very subjects that misogyny claims to “empower” ends up hurting the ones it was supposed to empower. And those are just a few examples. Hate will reach everyone-if we allow it. And this is why it is so important, that no matter where you stand, you do not tolerate hate when you see it rear its ugly head. What I’ve currently observed is not the absence of people calling out hate-but people only calling out the hate of their preference. The hate that impacts people that look like them, vote like them, and believe like them. Then when another, different type of group is impacted by pure hate-it’s radio silence. That’s, quite simply put, naive and dangerous.

I get it, it would be exhausting to give mental space to write about, talk about, and be about justice for all. But for all of my fellow Americans, isn’t that in our pledge of allegiance? For all of my fellow Christians, doesn’t God command us to seek justice and defend the oppressed (Isaiah 1:17)? We will not agree with everyone’s choices, but can’t we agree that hurting, killing, and dehumanizing another human being is wrong? And if we can’t-what have we become? Empathy is one of the very things that makes us human. Technology can’t empathize because it does not have the capacity for emotions-it has no soul. That is the one advantage we actually do possess over technology; when we lose that, we’ve lost our place in the world. Should we be angry at injustice? Yes. But why should we surrender our ability to love in the midst of it?

Love has been, and always will be, the catalyst for hope. And hope leads to change.

Going back to the beginning of my blog, I mentioned nothing will change if we let certain thoughts occupy our minds all of the time. Thoughts like “if this person will finally change their mind, or if this system will change…things would be different.” So why are these thoughts wrong? After all, depending on the context, some of these thoughts could be true! The reality is, they may be true, but they won’t be effective. Because if everyone is considering what needs to change outside of themselves, then no one will actually change. I don’t know how my readers feel about a man by the name of Michael Jackson (I can literally hear the cheers or the boos as I’m typing). But the man did have a point in his song “Man In the Mirror” when he said “if you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, then make a change.” As my mind was swirling about a month ago when the United States was at a heightened state of political and social unrest, yet again, my knee jerk reaction was to blame other people. To start scathing at other people, or just desperately desire a certain group of people to see better and do better. Conveniently removing myself from having to do any sort of inner work or assessment. Because I think my way is right, or at least better. And I’ll tell you flat out-in certain instances, I can stand on my opinion without any hesitation. However, one thing I’ve learned over time is that as soon as you think you’re standing-you’re actually sinking. Once pride settles in, you are on shaky, crumbling ground. Pride will have you thinking you are right 100% of the time 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Pride will have you consider the opinions of only the people who conveniently think just like you. Pride will have you pointing out everyone else’s faults and be in denial about your own. And the scariest part about pride? It disguises itself. Even justifies itself. To the person that’s reading, I have a request-love yourself too much to be prideful.

With humility, forgiveness, and patience, I believe we can start having the tough conversations with each other that will lead us down a path of healing. But healing can only take place for those who truly want it. Just like a marriage, or any relationship that necessitates tough conversations, you have to want the relationship more than you want to be right. I’m not saying go out there and have a conversation with just anyone. Not everyone will be mentally and emotionally mature enough to have a healthy conversation. Use wisdom and precaution. However, if an opportunity comes that you perceive is possible to have a productive conversation, do it. Open up that door without the goal of simply “winning over” the person, but to see their point of view, as you hope they see yours. 

I have a sister who I love to life, she is now one of my very best friends. However, we grew up thinking each other were either crazy, or stupid. We would fight all the time over very little things until we were young adults. Then one day, after having one of our meaningless fights, I had an epiphany. What if she’s not crazy? What if, based on her different personality type and perspective of life, she just sees things differently than I do? We grew up in the same house, had the same values, and life experiences, but she is simply different than me. And I am different than her. And we’re both not crazy! (Maybe a little depending on the time of the month). Once we realized that-our relationship completely changed and we became as close as ever. Now, we embrace and respect our differences instead of disregarding them.  Again, I’m not saying this will work for everyone and every circumstance, but it is absolutely worth a try.  

Isn’t relationship worth a try? Isn’t unity amongst ourselves as the human race worth, at minimum, a try?

Not because everything will always work out the way we want it to, but so that we don’t lose our love. Remember-love leads to hope, which leads to change. I leave you with this; in a moment where the world looks a lot like the prophecy outlined in the bible in Matthew 24, specifically when it talks about “the love of many will grow cold”, will you choose to be the many? Or dare to be the few?

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The Rebirth

Hi, my name is Ren. If you’re reading this, that means I mustered up the courage to actually hit “publish”. I’m excited that you’re here and ready to journey with me towards embracing and nurturing all that we were designed to be. Before we get into the nitty gritty, the stories, and the information-I would love to share my story with you. 

Growing up I was not the “cool girl”. I was not the girl who had everything together. In fact, I was deeply insecure for most of my life. Back story; I was about 7 years old when my dad started a church. Was it something I ever expected? Not at all. My dad worked for an insurance company and my mom worked for the city. We became an overnight ministry family with my dad preaching, and my mom and I (along with my cousin) were the worship team. The greatest parts about growing up in a ministry family were the amazing impact it had on my family’s spiritual journey, and meeting some incredible people along the way. The difficult part about it was that those same people I would meet and become emotionally attached to would enter and exit my life consistently throughout my childhood. And let’s be honest-even when people did stay, it was hard to share my parents with what seemed like my entire world and community. With that being the case, feeling rejected or abandoned became a recurring feeling that I would suppress through my early teens.

Other than that-I was not the stereotypical preacher’s kid. If there were a show called “preacher’s kids gone wild”-the producers would find themselves out of a job if they recorded my life. I was a snooze when it came to that, I just genuinely was not interested in living wildly and recklessly. I was, how they say, “very demure”. I believe we all have pain and we all deal with numbing that pain in different ways-and mine was not that. In fact mine was the opposite of that-I was an overachiever and perfectionist. I would do anything in my power to do and be the absolute best in any field, whether that was in school, artistic pursuits, and good behavior. Some would call me a goody two shoes (personally, I don’t think there really is such a thing because if thoughts could kill…I’d be in jail). But the reality is, I was trying to live up to an impossible standard I set for myself to find validation in the approval of people. I always felt different, whether it was due to being a pastor’s kid, being the only black kid in the class, or even just being myself staying on the “straight and narrow” path. This vicious cycle of feeling abandoned, outcasted, and constant people pleasing ultimately lead me to having suicidal thoughts as a pre-teen. Thankfully those thoughts never became methodical, or played out. But I didn’t like my mind, I hated my thoughts and how my thoughts made me feel. And I just wanted to escape it all.

Eventually, I entered into a pretty codependent friendship (not even knowing what codependency was at the time) that left me even more desperate for validation. I became comfortable being a side character in this person’s story rather than being a lead character in my own story. After a few years, the toxicity became more and more evident until it reached a boiling point. We were both to blame really, but I decided it would be in my best interest to end communication. At the time, losing my closest friend was the most difficult decision I ever made, but it was the first healthy decision I made for myself. I remember being in a room in my house I would often go to to play the piano, and I got on my knees and prayed and cried and confessed to God all of what I was feeling. All of my fear. All of my insecurities. The people that hurt me, and the times I hurt myself. I knew I could hide nothing from Him, so I poured it all out. (Sidenote: it is totally possible to know God, but have never received the fullness of what pure love can do for your soul, the key is to expose our most deep, dark places so that they can be touched by it). When I was finished, I looked up and saw on the back of a chair two stickers/letters on each leg. One had an R on it and one had an L on it. A still, small voice inside of me said, “You have two paths in front of you. On one path, you can keep hiding who you truly are to fit in. You’ll be liked, you won’t have to take many risks, and you can be comfortable not knowing what is on the other side of your fears. On the other path, you will have to take on a new identity. You will need to take risks, and consistently do the things that scare you. Some people will reject you. But, you’ll be free.” I honestly had to think about it. Because how many people do you think live today believing they are confident, and even free, but are actually slaves to whatever the culture or environment around them thinks is best for them? How many people would choose being relevant over being authentic? Or being loved versus being honest? I once did. In hindsight, if I had chosen the first option I wouldn’t be here writing to you today. I chose freedom, and then I was given a new name. Remember those two stickers on the back of the chair “L” and “R”? Well, my government name is “Lauren”, but my chosen name from that day forward became “Ren”. The path of freedom was connected to my name.

Now before this idea of freedom becomes associated with just being “weird” or “alternative”-let me stop you there before freedom gets watered down to that. The kind of freedom I mean is the freedom that comes with knowing and having a relationship with the One who made you and who knew you before you were even conceived. Our creator. Accepting every single detail of your true identity, and finding out why you are here in this world. That’s freedom, and even more, that’s purpose. Okay not gonna lie though, I can still be a little weirdo sometimes, and that works just fine for me. Owning all of who you are (which I’ll talk about in a later blog) requires you to courageously dig into every part of yourself and be honest about where you are. We are not projects to be fixed, we are broken people who have the option and ability to heal. Healing is a lot of work, but if I recovered from a severely broken heart and mind, so can you.

I have one single passion for all who are reading-that you would find out who you are and why you are. You are important. You do have a massive impact on the world by just existing. And you are worthy to be seen, known, and loved. Read those last three sentences aloud and breathe that truth deep into your belly. Whatever your past is and whatever your pain is, as long as you are alive you will always have the potential for hope and a future. I was met with hope at one of my lowest moments, and that’s why we can not despise our lows-they are the ground zero of our new beginnings. I’ve messed up plenty of times, I’ve even given into fear many times, but no matter how much my path has had mistakes on it, I continue to bloom because I’m committed to finishing this journey. And I am so honored that I now get to help bring sunlight and water to your own blossoming tree. My name is Ren, and I’m ready to continue to discover the real me, are you?